Funeral Customs and Beliefs
Death's universal dimensions - fear,
anxiety, loss, the desire for reconciliation and forgiveness, the
need to give and receive love - are always present, as we approach
death ourselves, care for the terminally ill, or support the
bereaved. But death always has, also, a particular meaning for
individuals.
For many of us, that meaning is shaped by our culture,
spirituality or religion. This means that different beliefs and
practices are likely to be important to different groups of New
Zealanders - particular foods or remedies, the comfort of familiar
prayers and rituals, the presence of wider family and community
members, ceremonies to say farewell or to dispose of the physical
remains of the deceased.
Culture, faith, ethnicity, philosophical outlook, education, and
upbringing: all these factors influence people to different
degrees, in different ways and at different times, including at the
time of death. To understand the needs of people facing death, or
bereavement, we need to be mindful of their individual uniqueness
within the culture or faith that shapes them.
For many cultures, there is an importance placed on a tactile,
intimate connection between the dying person and the relatives that
nurse them, a connection that continues after death as the body is
prepared for burial or cremation.
Washing and preparing the body is a task which family members or
individuals from the particular faith of culture consider an
honour, a privilege or an important duty to be carried out. Often
women will wash and prepare the bodies of women, and men will carry
out the same task for their men folk. Staying with the deceased
from the time of death to the time of burial or cremation is also
very important for many cultures; people come to pay their respects
and in some instances the family sleeps beside the casket.
Special clothing for the deceased is also significant for many
cultures and some cultures prefer to wait for an auspicious day for
the funeral. Money may also be used in funeral rituals - the
placing of a coin on either the eyes or in the mouth of the
deceased, or alternatively given to the mourners (as in the Chinese
tradition) to turn their sorrow into good luck. The colour of the
clothing to be worn at the funeral is also important for some
cultures.
Hymns and singing and tributes are considered to be most
important parts of the ceremony in many cultures and faiths.
Food and water is also a significant factor with most cultures
and ethnic groups and faiths. The Last Communion is given to
Catholics who ask for it, rice and other food may either be thrown
into the grave or left on the grave. Food is often taken to support
the bereaved family. Meals are often shared either prior to or
following the funeral service. In some cultures, the family will
prepare a meal for the mourners following the funeral.
Some cultures require the casket to be placed in a specific way
- e.g. feet towards the rising sun. Some cultures also have a
prescribed dress for the deceased - a simple shroud, while others
may dress the deceased in special clothing and jewellery.
Many cultures have a belief that the body needs to remain whole
so prefer burial to cremation.
Most also have rituals which are carried out at various intervals
following the burial - some may continue their mourning in a formal
way for some days after the burial or cremation, on defined
significant days after the burial. For some, the period of
recognised mourning can be 40 days; others may see the instalment
and unveiling of the headstone on the grave as the end of the
formal grieving process. Family and friends gather on this special
occasion. In many cultures, the first anniversary of the death is
also significant. For Maori, the unveiling of the headstone is an
important part of the grieving process and will take place one to
five years after the interment.
There is an infinite variety in the way people respond to death.
Culture is what gives us our primary tools and strategies for
dealing with life, including experiences such as death and dying.
Cultures develop their own unique roles, beliefs, values,
ceremonies and rituals to integrate death and the process of dying
into the culture as a whole. These cultural constructs help
individuals to cope with the mysteries and fears of deaths, and
each individual must adapt them to their own needs, wants,
personality and situation.
Source: Last Words - Approaches to Death in
New Zealand's Cultures and Faiths, compiled by Margot
Schwass